Erika Titus never imagined she’d shave her head, but the desire to cut off all of her hair drove her insane for days last December. “I’m not sure what caused the initial thought—maybe I was watching Stranger Things, so I was thinking about [Eleven’s] [shaved] head,” Titus tells Teen Vogue via Zoom.
Titus is one of TikTok’s top beauty makers. The 23-year-old from Oahu, Hawaii, has more than four million followers on the app alone. She’s known for her unconventional cosmetic lessons, unusual wardrobe hauls, vulnerable tangents, and out-of-the-box challenges with her siblings, Kirsten and Jacob.
Naturally, Titus documented the days leading up to his dramatic hair transition on TikTok. Little did she anticipate that the “Bald Series” would garner millions of views (at the time of writing, her most-watched vlog has 28 million views and counting), and, as expected, the comment area was rife with conflicting perspectives.
But beneath the apparent rash decision was a very deliberate way of thinking about beauty standards and social media pressure. She has been having late-night sentiments of “self-loathing,” she says. “I didn’t feel good about myself or the content that I was putting out, either.” Titus was initially skeptical about the chop. “I thought, ‘I could never do this because it would be bad for my career.”
However, the decision provided her with a fresh start for the new year, both online and in real life. Teen Vogue speaks with Erika Titus about the process of shaving her head, how her background and cultural beauty standards influenced her decision, and what she plans to do next.
Erika Titus: I grew up Mormon. This was the first time I felt exposed to beauty standards. We were required to dress and style our hair in a specific manner because to modesty rules. Furthermore, my grandmother, whom I adore, is both Korean and Filipino. Beauty is very important to her, and these beliefs were pushed on my mother. Growing up, I believe my mother did her best not to let it effect us too much, especially because we had pale complexion. Even so, she couldn’t fully protect us from Asian beauty ideals.
I’m not sure why I felt this way, but I believed my sole value was to be beautiful. It was difficult for me because my older sister, Kirsten, is really attractive and hilarious. I didn’t want to be the ugly sister, but it seemed like my sister was setting such a high standard for me. That put a lot of pressure on me, and I felt like I had to always be attractive.
ET: I began creating content at a young age. At 18, I began posting routinely on TikTok, and my platform increased. When I first started doing beauty content, I still felt secure in what I was publishing, and I was having fun with cosmetics. I assumed I’d get used to everything over time. But the reverse happened. I lost confidence after receiving internet comments that attacked my personality. It was the first moment I began to think, “I’m not funny.” I’m not beautiful. I’m not anything.” So, beauty served as a shield for me. I thought to myself: “As long as I look good in this video, people aren’t going to really attack my personality too much.”
Then it started to spiral. There is currently an avalanche of eating disorder content. Social media has always been this way—and I’m not trying to control what people do with their bodies—but it scares me. It’s also been the norm to focus on getting things done rather than on yourself. I’ve undergone a couple treatments on my face for beauty content. I expected my videos to perform better, that people would think I was lovely, and that I would feel better about myself. I didn’t feel worse afterward, but I also didn’t feel better.
That’s when I knew I’d reached a stage where I felt horrible about myself on the inside and externally. It was like putting a Band-Aid on a serious sore that needed to be treated internally. I had become so familiar with myself as a beauty content provider that I had lost the ability to view myself in other contexts. Even today, I struggle with body image concerns. So the concept of shaving my head seemed like the extreme change I needed to allow myself to mature.
